Nutburgers for Cheese-Us

A delicious mixture of religious nuts, loons , Herbs, narcissis-tics, and Sweet Cheese-us shaped into small minds, dipped in ignorance and crumby theology to fry sinners and serve the cold shoulder if you aren't in the group.

Makes 144,000 and not one more....

1. Fry the membership in loosely cobbled scriptures often until soft. If you go too long, they will crack and they can't be molded as well. Stir in the wild speculations and cook for 1 - 2 hours in sermons every week. Add the guilt or shame gradually and bring to a boil. 
2. Remove from the heat just prior to any emotional explosion (very very important!) and stir in the nuts, self appointed ministry, loons, in house booklets, narcissists, Herbs, Daves, Gerry's, Rods, Bobs and lemon juice for pucker, extracted brains and seasoning. Leave until cold, heartbroken, limp, numb and confused. 
3. Divide the mixture into 300 true mixtures and roll into odd-sized balls, 
4. If this is the original recipe, dip each piece first in beaten brains and then coat in sugar and Cheese-us Whiz..
5. Place on a well greased slide and bake in a preheated oven at 350°F for about 10 years, or until lightly numb and crisp. On alternative Sabbaths or Sundays, deep-fry in words and prooftexts, to 350°F for 1-2 hours until incapable of independent thought and golden brown. The oil is at the correct temperature for deep-frying when the faithful are numb, catatonic, frightened, depressed, anxious and broke and wanting to know what more they can do for the Resident Fry-Daddy. 
6. Drain the crumpled and odd shaped masses on paper towels, then, when cold, numb and unable to respond or think logically, arrange on a bed of salad greens. Cover with plastic wrap or foil until ready to serve you again next Sabbath or Sunday, depending.  

Variation: These Nutcase Burgers can be made into miniature congregations if preferred, and they make excellent reasons for not going to church and giving up on the idea that humans can ever grow up and think for themselves.