Campus Comedy: Big Stink on Campus

When I began to ask why these thing such as the construction snafu's were happening, it was like opening Pandora's Box, and what was to follow left me breathless and gasping.....Since I like to ask questions they gave me a job that kept me constantly on the move and where almost everyone would avoid me like I had the plague or something.

It became my job to spray it on everything that grows, the lawn, bushes, shrubs and trees. Pity the poor student that tried to take a short cut across the lawn, if I was near, they were in real trouble. Mercy had nothing to do with it, anything on the lawn became fair game. Actually I liked moving targets! It was a nasty job, and some one had to do it. ME AND MY BIG MOUTH, which now I had to keep shut! If you can imagine the awful, foul smell of rotted fish guts. The smell was so putrid that I actually lost my lunch a couple of times. And if the stuff smelled as horrid as it did, you can imagine if I got careless and down wind how horrible it would taste. Five days a week, eight hours a day. The campus stretched out before me like an endless and vast sea of green.

Would there ever be any redemption for me...or was I forever doomed to be the big stinker on campus?! My only hope was that Herbert W. Armstrong was right and a place of safety was just around the corner. Praying for the end time took on a whole new meaning.

Then it dawned on me, if ministers were so powerful, perhaps they could get me out of this mess. No, I did not ask them for help, I knew better than that. But what I did do was simply spray with vigor and enthusiasm the areas I knew they would be walking. It finally reached the breaking point, several of them picked up rocks and started to throw them at me, not to hurt me but to run me off. Undeterred I sprayed more vigorously. And, I must admit, there were a couple of oopses along the way, I got just a little too close. It is amazing what the horrible, smelly stuff does to a pair of highly polished black dress shoes.

What was that about being as smart as a fox, but harmless as a dove? The fish fertilizer did not hurt me, so I figured a couple of ministers..... and somewhat of a staged misfire of the spray gun... and presto-chango a new job was in the making. No I did not get fired, they could not prove anything. Besides, once before the spray hose had burst and nailed a couple of brass as they walked by, and I was at least 100 feet away from them when it happened. But by the time I got to the sprayer to shut it off, were they ever a mess. Did they ever stink, and their attitude was almost as foul! Almost as bad as some of the stuff they spewed out at us form the pulpit..

And wouldn't you know it, it now became my job to find a better way to keep the campus green. Fish fertilizer was forever banned from the campus. Praise the Lord for the authority of the ministry, they took the bait and got me off the hook.

Next time I will share with you how honey made a mess of things on the Big Sandy Campus.

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