Bigfoot is Dead
By Bob MRay L. Wallace recently passed away at age 86, but not before he finally admitted that the legend of Bigfoot, the man-beast, was just a story he concocted as a prank on his fellow lumberjacks in the forest. Around the campfire Ray spun his incredible yarn about the creature he had seen to his amazed co-workers. He then hand crafted a special pair of sixteen inch wooden feet that he would put on and go stomping through the woods leaving footprints as evidence of this beast for all to see.
Bigfoot was even photographed with a home movie camera in 1967 after Ray told the photographer where Bigfoot was likely to be found. He later admitted that this Bigfoot was actually his mother dressed in an ape costume. Nevertheless, the legend of Bigfoot grew and grew and spread worldwide. People made plaster casts of Bigfoot’s footprints and studied them in awe. An organization known as the International Bigfoot Society was formed in Oregon.
Interestingly enough, the International Bigfoot Society is located less than one hundred miles from where one Herbert W. Armstrong started his Philadelphia era Church of God. Like Ray Wallace, Armstrong created a beast. His was the beast of Nebuchadnezzar's dream found in the biblical book of Daniel. Armstrong boldly proclaimed this beast was to become the last resurrection of the ancient Roman Empire which would attack and destroy the USA. Herbert W. Armstrong then crafted his own wooden feet of sorts and went stomping about creating footprints which were offered as evidence. Booklets such as "The US and British Commonwealth in Prophecy" formed a footprint as did "Who is the Beast" and the "Mark of the Beast", "Germany in Prophecy", "1975 in Prophecy", "The Book of Revelation Unveiled at Last" and, of course, his nineteen year time-cycle hoax. Armstrong's followers made plaster casts of these footprints, studied them, and repented.
Armstrong's soon-coming beast created a sense of urgency and purpose among his followers, and served to quickly empty their wallets and bank accounts. Ray Wallace's beast was benign, while Armstrong's beast cut a vicious swath through the lives of his followers. Armstrong's beast ripped apart families and marriages without mercy and forced a universal poverty upon his faithful in a most cruel way. They were denied medical treatment, endured unemployment via strict Sabbath observance, imbued with a sense of complete worthlessness and regularly brow beaten with the threat of being found unworthy to enter the Kingdom.
Now there is no more Bigfoot, just as there never was a resurrection of the Roman Empire in Europe. However, there are still believers in Bigfoot who refuse to admit they were hoodwinked. Likewise, we currently find Armstrong's dying beast in the Emergency Room where Doctor Roderick Meredith labors furiously administering CPR trying to keep it alive. You see, Armstrongism without his beast is like a car without gas. Never mind the ten nation beast in Europe is now fifteen (with plans to add maybe twenty more!), they've gotta have a beast! Without a beast there is no reason to warn the world and they lose their reason to exist. Without their beast the Worldwide Church of God becomes just one more pothole on the road to Armageddon.
In retrospect, my life would have been far better had I joined the International Bigfoot Society than the Worldwide Church of God. At least I would have had a photo of my beast.
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