The Painful Truth About The Worldwide Church of God
The Painful Truth About The Worldwide Church of God.
Condiments For Your Salvation Burgers
By Glacier Gruff

Remember that song:

"What's It All About, Alfie?"

'S all about the condiments offered by franchises for their salvation- burgers, and wanting to be like the BIG guys.

The original owner of the Empire died. He willed the cook-books to a fellow whom he was SURE he could trust to keep the recipes un-changed. He had always taught that "small flock" was the way to think, since it was a comment used a LOT in the antique cook-book. The bottom line was GREAT.

BUT the MBA's of the Worldwide Church of God Empire decided to become more competitive with the older traditional Salvation-Burger Empires. Why not push the envelope OUT on this "small flock" concept? They'd learned that small late comers in the salvation-burger business are pretty limited in their appeal because they specialize in very esoteric condiments, some of which aren't very tasty at all. They had shown their customers that the other small guys put LARGE pieces of glass, and even feces in their salvation burgers. In fact, people were KILLED at some of the Empires, eating salvation-burgers at group meetings. These Worldwide Church of God guys wanted to broaden their customer base like the BIG guys who had 10 TIMES, or 100 times the customers.

To do that, they had to take out some of the glass IN their salvation- burger meat, add a CHOICE of condiments, and offer them for free. Then they had to make minor changes to the wrapper. They needed to make the wrapper more attractive by making it look like those used by the more traditional empires. Maybe a little "cross" on the wrapper? A shiny one, like the Knights of old had on their shields?

The problem, too, was to make these changes of condiments in such a way that it was very slow, maybe even insidious, so it didn't upset the more long term customers. That was done by slipping a new condiment out on the self-serve tables and offering it for free, in ADDITION to the condiments that were already there. But, they still sold MOST of the condiments for the salvation-burger over the counter with the burger as part of the price. When the more traditional customers asked about the new condiments they were told that the Empire had been wrong in the past about this particular condiment, and it was time to make the change. They were told, God IS in charge, ISN'T HE???? And God would take care of his customers, WOULDN'T HE???? NO one of faith could argue with that, COULD they???

Almost IMMEDIATELY, some few of the Franchise-owners, and a few of the headquarters men, went ballistic at the changes and quit the Empire. For them it wasn't about money, it was about TRADITION, and being the "small flock." They formed a NEW empire under one of the guys that had been at Headquarters for a LONG time. Then they changed the color of THEIR salvation burger wrapper back to the ORIGINAL, and promised the customers that went with them that there would be NO changes to the RECIPE.

The MBA's were realizing that they had to continue to charge for the added condiments as LONG as possible, because when they began to offer them for FREE, the traditional customers might be very upset that they had paid for the fare for all these years, and now the newcomers were going to get it, some or ALL, for free. So, they hid the really DRASTIC changes until ALL the customers were content with the changes of fare.

At that point, the MBA's realized that they had to downsize to keep the bottom line alive, so they began to cut LOOSE any of the FRANCHISE owners that they suspected would balk at the changes to the condiments. This turned out to be a bigger problem than they realized, much as K-Mart has found out in their downsizings. The long term customers were INCENSED that "their" Empire would cut off the very popular franchise owners that were being dumped. The MBA's kind of bit their lip and did it anyway, much like AT&T is doing with their business. No use getting sentimental about the loss of the older, more popular franchise-owners. Gotta keep the bottom line up.

Believe it or not, the BIGGEST problem is that a LOT of people WANT the glass in their salvation-burgers. They DON'T want the better tasting condiments on their food, nor do they want the condiments FREE. They want to PAY for EVERYTHING that goes on their salvation burgers, no matter WHAT. Things were beginning to hit the fan, so when MBA's went ahead and made the FINAL change to FREE condiments, they tried to put a "cup" out like a lot of people do at public Bar-B-Ques. The cup said, "tips for the chef."

The Empire management was hoping that the customers were so happy with the new, tasty condiments for their salvation-burgers that they'd leave nice "tips" for the cook in place of paying for all the condiments. That little move backfired. The more long term customers just pocketed their money and said, we'll take the new, tasty condiments, but we aren't going to pay OR tip for them.

At this point, a BUNCH of the Franchise owner-operators became nervous. They KNEW their income was going to take a dump on this new-tasty condiment regimen, so they got together in a meeting and formed ANOTHER new EMPIRE.

No one had ever bothered to create a retirement program for the Worldwide Church of God Franchise owner-operators all these years. So, they HAD to keep their franchises open. They were able to take a BUNCH of customers with them to the new empire, promising to go back to the broken glass filled salvation burgers the customers were demanding, but promising also to allow the customers more say in what condiments they had for their salvation-burgers, since they WERE paying for them. The NEWEST Empire was going to be more democratic at the Headquarters level, and accept and encourage "comments and suggestions," like they had seen done Still gotta keep that bottom line.

This NEWEST Empire just kept the old forms of condiments where you pay for them like a cafeteria or Auto-mat. It also went back to the more traditional "small empire" wrapper, withOUT the shiny cross on the gold foil.

The business world now rumors that the NEW-IMPROVED Worldwide Church of God Empire is broke. It appears that their change to new, shiny wrapped salvation burgers that would draw some of the mainstream crowd was a failure. Now the N-I Empire is having to sell off a bunch of their factory holdings. The remaining customers ALL feel that they are better off because they now have a MUCH better choice of condiments on their salvation-burger, even though there is still glass in the meat at alot of the franchises.

And! They are STILL a "small flock," and that is JUST what the founder had said in the beginning of this Empire, some 60 years ago. can make your OWN salvation-burgers...

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