The Painful Truth About The Worldwide Church of God. The Painful Truth About The Worldwide Church of God
The First Fairy Tale

Dale K. Brown



Six thousand years ago, 9:00 a.m. Middle Eastern time, on or about October 26, 4004 B.C., God created the universe with the earth in the middle of it, flat. In the midst of this waffle, he created two humans and called them his children. Like any father, he desired above all that his children enjoy peace, happiness, and success.

Being a merciful, loving parent, all he required of his kids was instant perfection and no mistakes. Wishing to protect his offspring, and knowing their weakness for forbidden fruit, he created a tree full of it and planted it in the middle of their nursery. Just in case they couldn't find it, he showed them where it was, but told them he'd kill them if they took so much as a single nibble. Then he left them under the watchful eye of Satan the Devil.

The Devil, a master of mass advertising techniques, knew if he could only persuade Eve to promote his product, Adam would be a done deal. And, thus, the first commercial was performed in which a naked female advertised goods and services targeted solely at a male audience. "Will this bright, tasty, forbidden fruit be good enough for our special guests? Let's find out!"

The response was immediate. Adam promptly withdrew all the credits in his moral checking account, signed a promissory note to the Devil using his soul as collateral, and rode off into the sunset with the fruit, the woman, and more knowledge than he really cared to possess.

The Lord returned to the garden later that evening. After ascertaining the inevitable, he evidenced surprise at the outcome, even though he'd written the script for the entire episode. The merciful, loving Father then threw his children out of the house and told them they could feed, clothe, and shelter themselves from then on, until hell froze over.

Unable to comprehend parental abandonment, the children comforted themselves with bedtime stories about a father who really did love them, and who one day would return...if they were very very good. Eventually they began to believe them.


Chapter Thirtytwo  
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