By Glacier Gruff
Greetings from the salvation-burger strewn glacial terminal moraine...
There is quite a competition going on now between the Kroc Empire (McDonald's), the Carl's Empire, the guy with the ping-pong ball for a head (Jack-in-the-box Empire) and the Burger King Empire....hamburgers for 89 cents if you can recite the poem (McDonald's), burgers that spray squalor all over other people when you eat them like a pig (Carl's), burgers that are flame broiled (tested with fire? *grin *)...not fried...
Let me ask you...how many different ways can you cook a burger, and have a BURGER, not an omelet...or pancake...or chocolate malt...or....or..?
Then there is the issue of denomination (franchises, I call them)...as in the Worldwide Church of God breakup...or the departure of the Protestants from the Catholic church...or the several Seventh Day groups. or the various Baptist groups...or...or...
There is ALSO quite a competition going on now between the Salvation Empires. It has been going on for nearly 2000 years, but is warming up with the advent of mass communication and the end of the millennium. Salvation-burger empires....with their franchises....
Salvation burgers for sale.....Empires with their franchises sell salvation with all KINDS of gimmicks, wrappers, condiments, and, even, recitations....some of the franchises are very quiet, staying to themselves. Others, when they eat their salvation burgers, are very crude, spraying their slop all over the population that doesn't WANT the slop in their face, or on their KIDS....or on their car windshields. Some franchises give SPECIAL Evangelism awards for their people going out and getting their sloppy food all over the community...
Some salvation-burgers are sold with special gold foiled wrappers...but, a salvation-burger, none the less. Salvation-burgers with extra slop on the burger, but burgers, none the less. And, unfortunately, abusive franchises put broken glass in their burgers, all the while saying to their customers, if you have faith, you can digest this abuse. Some franchises tell their customers, yes, we have a few feces in our burgers, but you have to trust GOD, because GOD will clean OUT his franchise and get RID of the bad people that put feces in your salvation burger....God is in charge of THIS franchise.... ISN'T HE??!!
Many of the franchises don't let you in unless you can recite some of the recipes from the Empire's cookbook. Many others don't let you in unless you can recite some neat poetry about THEIR franchise's explanations of the cook-book. So, it looks like the basketball player Charles Barkley, of the Phoenix team, is exemplary of the typical problem of getting access to your most favorite Empire's salvation- burger franchise store.
There are franchises for sale, too. First you buy lots of salvation burgers to prove to the owners that you like THEIR salvation-burgers. Then you become a worker, only they might call you a "deacon," instead of a "cook." You learn to make them as an assistant manager of the franchise. If you REALLY understand HOW your franchise MAKES its salvation-burgers, by reading the cook book they way the EMPIRE owner wants it read, you can become a franchise manager. Then, you can put glass in YOUR salvation burgers, and tell your regular customers that they have to trust GOD to clean up the operation, because you are allowed to be a franchise manager by GOD, and HE KNOWS what is going on... DOESN'T HE!!!
Then, as a manager of the franchise, you can kick ANYONE out of the franchise branch that bad mouths your salvation burgers, because YOU reserve the right to serve or not serve ANYONE, and, of course, YOU are GOD'S representative, and GOD would take care of it if it were wrong, WOULDN'T HE!!
The customers wouldn't DARE tell a franchise owner which day to open, that would be called BLASPHEMY....and they would be told to go elsewhere, because they don't DESERVE YOUR salvation burgers.
This Super Bowl weekend, part of the Burger industry hype was the nervous humor of one burger franchise worker eating another EMPIRE'S product. I think it was McDonald's workers sneaking out to eat an 89 cent Whopper from the Burger King empire. Made us ALL squirm a little. Cute! Then there is the fight that starts when the Coke man refuses to return the Pepsi man's drink to him....Same with salvation-burgers. Once you have a card to get in, you had better NOT be found eating at OTHER franchises...if you DO...you will D I E, won't you....
If anyone having CARD to buy salvation burgers at ONE franchise, like you clip out of a paper, goes to ANOTHER branch of the franchise, they'd better NOT question the fact that the pieces of GLASS are too LARGE to digest, or they will be barred from ALL the franchises, and told they will just have to STARVE to DEATH without salvation burgers to eat, because all the REST of the "salvation-burger" EMPIRES are actually selling POISON....
So, truth in advertising is NOT an issue in the salvation-burger industry. Most of the franchises publicly advertise that their competitors are selling poisoned salvation-burgers, and if you eat them, you will DIE. If you are faithful to humanity, and believe people for what they appear to be, you will QUAKE in your boots when you are exposed to someone else's salvation-burger. Why, there is spiritual CYANIDE under that beautifully decorated cover. Look, and you will DIE....
Then, there is the interesting dispute over the "cook-book." Several of the salvation-burger EMPIRES are really OFFENDED by the OTHER EMPIRES for having (gaaasp..) more than ONE cook-book. It seems the author of the main cook-book said no one could add to the book or change the recipes. Wouldn't you know it, a BUNCH of franchises publicly proclaim those having TWO cook-books are really selling NON-burger Salvation- burgers. Get this, though...MANY of the hamburger EMPIRES that are MOST vociferous about the tainting of the product have DOZENS, or HUNDREDS of BOOKLETS explaining the cook-book, but they don't see any problem. Its the ones with TWO cook-books that are creating NON-salvation-burgers.
Now, I ask you. A burger is a burger, right? Then, isn't TWO cookbooks, and 100 recipe-explaining BOOKLETS, the SAME thing? Guess not.
Denominations? Empires! Franchises! Houses of merchandise, namely, salvation-burgers.
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