Youth Symphony Orchestra
Involved in Drive-by Shootings
Parody Inspired by Hyperbole in The Good News
The Imperial Youth Symphony Orchestra was found to be involved in multiple drive-by shootings over a period of several years.
Todd Thompson, violinist explains it this way:
"When we finish practice, we have this pent up-energy, especially playing Brahms or Mahler. Where is this pent-up energy supposed to go?"
The Youth Symphony is quite accomplished in it's marksmanship as well as its renowned sound.
"You have to know that our artistry extends far beyond being able to interpret Chopin, Beethoven, and Mozart," Todd continued. "We are highly accurate in our shooting. We can kill outright, seriously injure, or just nick an earlobe with our bullets; its our choice."
When Todd was asked about weapons of preference, he replied:
"You have to believe the piccolo player is basically a derringer fan, while the guys in the horn section prefer Uzis. The drummer is a great fan of cannons, and this works out, especially when we play Pyotr Ilich Tchaikovsky's '1812 Overture'. We have a lot of range.
"I know for myself, a .357 Magnum fills the bill. I get tired of playing second fiddle when I can really be first string.
"You know, when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Violin cases have been used for this sort of thing, and we're bringing it to the people."
And bringing it, they are. Pasadena Metro helps support the efforts:
"For a while, we had to go separately in cars driven by our parents and some of us had vans," Emma Smith, harpist said. "Then, when it got out about what we were doing, the whole community came to our aid, and started volunteering time and materials. Pasadena Metro is the best! They began supplying busses for the events, and it made the drive-by shootings all the more enjoyable. It's definitely a group activity now. On one way streets, for example, we can have busses in two lanes, side by side. That way we can shoot at two different sidewalks AND get motorists in the cross-fire."
Society is now getting two social events for the price of one, it seems.
Asked about the future of these activities, Jeffrey Chin replied:
"This definitely keeps us involved in the community and hones our social skills. We provide entertainment while preparing ourselves for the future in Business. We certainly will need these skills when we get out on our own to make a living and have families of our own."
The Imperial Youth Symphony Orchestra is associated with Ambassador College, which in turn is sponsored by the Worldwide Church of God, long known for its programs of abuse.
Social Scientists researching this phenomenon point out that there is an additional side benefit in reducing the population for a higher standard of living for tomorrow.