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God's Elect Zombies
Herbert W. Armstrong what an awesome discovery in a once awful universe, all the way from USA to KSA, from Espania to even poor India. An Apostle newly discovered, and then uncovered and finally discarded as deadlier than an Aids infected menstrous cover.
Leader of an expert pack of extractors extracting life's purest essence from the 'converted' the little Philadelphia flock of deep thinking Bible double-checking (Moffat Translation preferring) God's elect zombies.
"Don't believe me, prove it for yourself in the Bible" was his entrapping ploy.
"The Bible needs no interpretation, cause it interprets itself" was his oft quote.
Then came his pack those zealous, jealous disdainers of Sabbath unkeepers.
The pack abhorrers of lives juiced with pork.
The pack travelling first class round the world and staying in the finest hotels, in the name of Jesus Christ ("Members may close their letters 'In Christian Love', but never 'In Jesus' Name'" which only the pack is worthy of.)
The pack staying in the finest suites at the Feast (faithful adhering to their leader's motto: "Always go for the highest quality you can afford") while lesser beings cramp in second class hotels.
The pack living in cute homes built with bricks sodden with the tears of widows who sent in a dollar or two that the PT might reach yet one or two more with the good news.
O what a pack of simpletons, fools, deluded, deluders, fanatics, sick, impractical, lazy, childhood joy deprivers, job deprivers, impractical, fanatics, widow's mite hunters, spiritual terrorists, children's nighmare, hope mongers, the modern circumcision, paradise mongers, marriage breakers, tomorrow's world harbingers, today's world baskers, a shame, a sad story, a tragedy, a bitterness, causers of emotional and physical deaths untold, sincere mostly but "sincerely wrong" (a favorite phrase of theirs)...
It was a much happier and sweeter world had their leader, the great Herbert Armstrong proclaiming the 'Strong Arm from Somewhere', gone all the way and castrated himself (O the hundreds and perhaps thousands who had their foreskins snatched away on their leader's sound advice ("not a sin to be uncircumcised, but not wise to keep that flappy portion either") and had he just sat at home with his second love Ramona(?) (who fled probably after seeing him uncovered), and had he instead of booming into microphones just prayed for the comfort of widows and orphans, without lifting a limb to help anyone any further than this.
Herbert W. Armstrong, he was good man few would doubt this but Herbert W. Armstrong, what an awful discovery in an awesome universe!
God save this already deluded world and its vulnerable flock from another Armstrong and his kith!
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