Nehemiah meets Archie Bunker

Just in case there's anybody out there in the known COGiverse who hasn't caught up yet, UCG's top dogs have paid a visit to the headquarters of the Living Church of God in Charlotte. LCG's Doc Winnail reports:

This week, Mr. Clyde Kilough, President of the United Church of God, and Mr. Jim Franks, Operations Manager for Ministerial Services of the United Church of God, paid an informal visit to our Headquarters here in Charlotte. They toured the office facility and met our Headquarters staff. It was a cordial visit and provided us with an opportunity to communicate about mutual concerns facing the Church of God.

Needless to say, the tongues have been on fire with near pentecostal fervor. Amongst the more excitable brethren the word "merger" has been whispered. Fat chance. A perceptive poster on XCG wondered aloud whether "Nehemiah" Kilough and sidekick Jim were there to check out just how impaired the Presiding Evangelist has become (more a circling of vultures than a gathering of eagles?) Sounds plausible, but I doubt it. Here's the view from the UCG side of the fence:

"On October 23rd Mssrs. Kilough and Franks followed up on a long standing invite to visit and talk with the leadership of LCG. They had a tour of the offices and met the staff. They then sat with Dr. Meredith, Dr. Winnail, Mr.Ames and Mr. Apartian for "an open discussion on a variety of issues facing the Church of God." All involved felt the visit was profitable and were pleased with the opportunity to communicate. Mr. Kilough offered a similar invitation to LCG to visit us at Milford OH."

What we can say is that Bob Thiel is fairly tripping over himself in an attempt to dampen down speculation - at the bidding of the Dark Lord himself:

"RC Meredith and I discussed this meeting a few hours after it occurred. He mentioned that he specifically stated at the beginning of the meeting that LCG has no interest in any type of merger with UCG. He stated UCG and LCG have different works, differing governments, and differing focuses. He told me that they concurred with all of those comments. And he told me I could post about it if I thought it would be helpful."

Now Bob, you'll have to do better than that. I lived through too many years in WCG, where "reading between the lines" was an essential survival skill, to take that at face value. The boys were up to something. A disturbing new revelation in the offing that could impact on both churches perhaps? Could there be any more skeletons in the closet ready to leap out as All Hallows Eve draweth nigh? Who knows. Whatever it was, it seems the lads want to keep it "All in the Family." You can be sure, though, that they weren't just swapping recipes for matzos.

Just as fascinating as Nehemiah's pilgrimage to Pope Roderick's Vatican was this quote from the Spanker himself, delivered at the start of the LCG feast and related by a suitably over-awed member:

“They are left-wing, liberal, communist, pinkos” – Mr. Meredith describing the United States’ media and their portrayal of the news during his Opening Night message.

Shades of Archie Bunker, except for one crucial difference. Archie at least had "Meathead" to keep him on a leash.

Addendum: I noticed that Dennis' Two Witnesses post also appears on XCG. Sorry Gary, didn't mean to pull a copycat - the version here was sent in by Den himself, and you can't have too much of a good thing online anyway, right? While I'm being contrite, Gary's XCG has become THE essential source of information on the various COGlets: check it out if you haven't already.

Good News for Melvin

A right-wing newspaper commentator in Philadelphia has put the neo-con seal of approval on Melvin Rhodes' Good News "journalism." Herb Denenberg is "a former Pennsylvania insurance commissioner and professor at the Wharton School." Denenberg begins by shrieking and tearing his garments over the state of the New York Times and what he sees as "its anti-American, anti-conservative, anti-Republican, anti-military, anti-war-in-Iraq, anti-Israel and anti-Semitic slant." Ouch. Then he finds a exemplar of the kind of journalism he approves of... The Good News! He writes:

"What struck me is that this magazine delivers more value, more insight and more honest reporting than The New York Times... Let me tell you a little about that article in a free publication, which puts The Times to shame."

It seems ol' Herb (great name that!) had read Mel's latest article on ""Radical Islam: An Arc of Extremism That Threatens the Globe." Herb was struck with admiration. Here was someone saying all the things he wanted to hear, fondling his political sensibilities and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

Enough so to provide a free promo for the mag: "If you are interested in Good News and the organization that publishes it, you can go to its Web site, www.gnmagazine.org. or write for a free subscription to Good News, PO BOX 54198, Cincinnati, Ohio 45254-0198."

How sad that Herb should be reduced to praising a British-Israel prophecy-obsessed apocalyptic splinter-sect publication (sorry Scott, nothing personal) in his bilious compulsion to slag off the NYT. I guess there'll be those in the UCG who puff out their chests at this unexpected paeon of praise. Groveling sychophancy obviously brings its own rewards. But as the good book saith, they probably have all the reward they're going to get now. Lap it up while you can Mel.

Mario the Marine Biologist

UCG minister Mario Seiglie (that's not him in the picture, keep reading) has been pounding away at his keyboard for a long time. Now the veteran GN writer has achieved a moment of fame as a paragon of family values.

I confess that I've never heard of the Traditional Values Coalition (slogan: "Empowering People of Faith through Knowledge"), but they've chosen the very knowledgeable Mario - a person of faith if ever there was one - to help slay the demon of evolution.

You'll have to forgive me. Being a New Zealander I've been deprived of the cultural resources to make the connection, so maybe someone closer to the cusp of this sort of thing can explain it to me: what do traditional values have to do with an anti-evolution stance?

In any case, here's the spiel:

In a recent commentary on evolution by United Church of God Pastor Mario Seiglie, he points out that the archerfish is so uniquely designed that it could not have evolved with slight modifications... According to Sieglie, “The archerfish offers precisely such an example [of complexity], since several complex systems must all appear at the same time, perfectly and not gradually formed—binocular vision, a specialized mouth and tongue, specialized gills to compress and expel water and an aiming system based in the brain and not in the eyes. If any of these parts is missing, the mechanism will not hit the target and no survival advantage is created."

You can read the whole thing at the TVC site. You might like to also check out a counter-opinion at the Fundamentally Flawed blog. Here's an excerpt:

The argument seems to stem forth from statements made by Mario Seiglie. Seiglie believes that this combination of complex systems in the archerfish could not have developed through evolution, as they must have developed all at once to give the fish this ability.

Is Seiglie a world-renowned marine biologist? Not quite… he is a pastor in the United Church of God. It would seem that this position gives him indisputable expertice in the field of biology.

Here's the problem with those UCG experts that write for the GN and make guest appearances on their TV advertorial shows. They're not. Want to know about the wonders of the natural world? Pick up a National Geographic.

The quality of COG humor

COG humor - the kind the ministers toss from their pulpits - has always been a blunt instrument. Regrettably it has on occasion been openly racist. There's the prominent Aussie UCG minister who delights in using the term "bubble butt" to describe women of color, while I recollect vividly a one-liner from former Auckland WCG pastor Jack Croucher relating to what can only be euphemistically called the "color-coordination tastes" of Afro-Americans. The congregation predictably guffawed in delight.

But the years have passed and we've all got a little more circumspect about such things. In my salad days I admit to engaging in a few Peter Sellers-type impressions. Back then I didn't know any Asian people personally, however when you work alongside a dignified Sri Lankan woman with a beautiful but pronounced accent, you suddenly realize just how downright churlish it is to make fun of it. To call it "political correctness" is to miss the point entirely. It's simply about treating other people with respect and a measure of dignity. Can someone claiming to be Christian possibly do less?

Enter Jerold Aust, Good News writer and UCG minister. Such subtleties are apparently lost on this bloke who, on a website where he preens and fluffs about his Christian beliefs, has a little collection called "Learn Chinese in Five Minutes." It's not explicitly racist, but you'd have to wonder whether it's exactly appropriate. In case you're wondering whether I'm entirely objective in pointing this out, it was a UCG member who first raised the question and set me thinking. Here's what Mr Aust posted (currently appearing at http://www.jwaust.com/anthology.php)

1) That is not right.........................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?.............Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP...............................Kum Hia Nao
4) Small Horse...............................Tai Ni Po Ni
5) Did you go to the beach?..................Wai Yu So Tan
6) I bumped into a coffee table..............Ai Bang Mai Ni
7) I think you need a face lift..............Chin Tu Fat
8) It is very dark in here...................Wai So Dim
9) I thought you were on a diet.............Wai Yu Mun Ching
10) This is a tow away zone..................No Pah King
11) Our meeting is scheduled for next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao
12) Staying out of sight.....................Lei Ying Lo
13) He is cleaning his automobile............Wa Shing Ka
14) Your body odor is offensive..............Yu Stin Ki Pu
Have a great week and weekend.~jwa

Funny? Perhaps some of the brethren in Singapore or Burma might like to comment. It would be interesting to find out from UCG how they "officially" feel about this kind of ragging.