The First Fairy Tale
Dale K. Brown
"AND HERE HE IS!"
By the late sixties, God had been pronounced deceased. Those proclaiming his untimely demise had been acting as if he was for years anyway, so there were no sudden outbreaks of unbridled licentiousness. Just decadence, as usual.
Some of the more conventional religions immediately jumped on the publication of God's obituary as proof positive that the last days were upon us and confidently settled back to await the Lord's return. For a brief period of time, church attendance rose and pastors everywhere dusted off their Saturday and Sunday vocal chords, exhorting the faithful to "fear and tremble" for the great and terrible day of the Lord was surely, now, at hand. He was on his way back and he was flat out pissed. He was coming back to smite the wicked, slay degenerate agnostics, and abolish sex education in high school forever.
As with the theory of the antique universe, however, no one seemed to comprehend the full implications of a doctrine of imminent return. What if God really did come back... and did so tomorrow? Actually imposed his will, as seen from these adherents point of view, on his scruffy, odorous creation.
To start with, there'd be massive unemployment in the ranks of the clergy. Preachers with nothing left to preach about would be out of a job (axed, in a word) and many of them might be facing a most unpleasant prospect of explaining to their creator just how it was they became so wealthy selling that which was suppose to be delivered free of charge, not to mention reasonably intact.
As for the diverse nations of the planet and their motley assortment of presidents, chancellors, and ayatollahs et al, well they'd better have their unemployment insurance premiums paid up also, because in a world ruling government, presided over by a king of kings and Lord of Lords there would be damned little mischief left for them to make.
The citizenry of the earth would find themselves in deep doo-doo as well if a Christian dictator took over, because the law, according to Christians, consists of ten easily memorizable commandments. There are no man-made reams of nitpicking statutes in this law. "Lawyers, join ranks with the rest of the unemployed...at the back of the line, please!
For there would, thus, be no other gods except God Almighty, no idols. Farewell Elvis, Springsteen, and Falwell. No more "God damning" everyone who cuts in front on busy workday freeways. No working on the Sabbath. So long time and a half. No more T.V. programs with kids cursing, hitting, or otherwise dishonoring their parents. No depictions of murder, rape, robbery or of coveting that which does not belong to you. In short, all those innumerable little niceties which make this soap opera world such an interesting, entertaining, and thoroughly human place to be would all be AGAINST THE LAW if God came home tomorrow!
Moreover, if he came here, what would happen to those left behind, those hordes of righteous stranded up there in heaven? Are they orphaned, or what? With all the ensuing unemployment, strict new laws, total lack of entertainment, and nothing to listen to but harp music and stilted hymns, those who profess to desire it the most may be among those enjoying it the least.
If you have anything you would like to
submit to this site, or any comments,
email me at:
CLICK HERE FOR EMAIL ADDRESS.