THE GRAVEYARD CHURCH OF GOD
INTERNATIONAL JIVE VERSION
April 12, 1971
Dear Co-Wo'ka' in de Greatest Mission on Eard:
GIANT doo's gots been openin' befo'e me, one afta' anoder, wid invitashuns fo' sucka'al conferences wid haids uh state -- super-dudes, kin's, super honchos -- and many oders in high offices uh POWER, in many countries around da damn wo'ld. De remarkable doodad be dat ah' dun did not seek o' initiate dese meetin's -- not once! Right on! ah' wuz invited.
Mr. Ah be baaad... Unofficial Citizen duzn't plum snatch de rap rod, dial directly into de private office uh an overseas chief 'esecutive, get him on de phone, and say, dig dis: "'Sup, dude, Kin' old boy! Right on! I'm comin' right ova' to see ya'." He would neva' get t'de kin', de super-dude, o' de super honcho.
Even dough de time gots come, in dis great Commission, when it be necessary fo' me t'have dese sucka'al meetin's, dere is absolutely NO WAY ah' could gots snatchn it into mah' own hands and accomplished it. Man! It had t'come likes some continuous chain uh MIRACULOUS occurrences. And it be havin' TREMENDOUS SIGNIFICANCE to de finishin' uh dis most impo'tant Commission on eard in 1900 years! Right on!
Dese real impo'tant meetin's gots suddenly catapulted da damn entire Wo'k down onto some new and higha' plateau! Right on! De Wo'k gots moved suddenly into some TOTALLY NEW PHASE! Right on! Dese providential new developments signal de warnin' t'YOU and t'me dat we do not have much time left t'get done THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB ON EARTH IN 1900 YEARS! Right on! We gots now been moved into de last and final phase of de Wo'k fo' dis Age! Right on!
De PLAIN TRUTH and TOMORROW'S WORLD gots become mass- circulated issue of GQs -- now among de wo'ld's largest. Man! De PLAIN TRUTH, especially, be gainin' wo'ldwide recognishun and prestige as a high quality audo'itative issue of GQ -- even in top circles uh guv'ment and educashun in countries all upside de eard.
Wid so's many MILLIONS uh sucka's bein' reached all upside de wo'ld, it gots become NECESSARY t'de Wo'k dat I, as well as mah' son, Garna' Ted, and oders on our edito'ial and research staffs, maintain some grasp and insight into wo'ld condishuns such as be possessed by few on eard! Right on! As Edito' uh De PLAIN TRUTH and TOMORROW'S WORLD -- wid such multiMILLION eyeballerships -- dese sucka'al conferences wid rulers uh nashuns around da damn wo'ld is providin' real impo'tant material fo' articles. Still mo'e, dey are givin' me increased UNDERSTANDING and insight into de problems faced by many uh de wo'ld's chief rulers, usually not disclosed t'repo'ters, co'respondents o' edito's uh commercial issue of GQs o' newssheets.
Until recently we had reached, in dis Great Commission, primarily de grass roots -- de masses uh de common sucka's -- de RULED. But in dis greatest Mission in 1900 years, it NOW gots become NECESSARY dat we dig directly t'dose in TOP POSITIONS OF POWER -- AT THE TOP -- THE RULERS! Right on! De Wo'k had, uh necessity, begin where it dun did. De time NOW gots come when dose who wield de POWER gots'ta also be reached! Right on! Of mah'self -- o' wid de HUMAN ability uh our entire o'ganizashun -- it would, indeed gots been IMPOSSIBLE! Right on!
THINK whut some great Wo'k gots been generated! Right on! And yet, WHAT A SHAME dat ah' have t'tell ya' it be facin' some financial CRISIS, in which we may even gots'ta STOP publicashun uh De PLAIN TRUTH! Right on! I'm not goin' t'say any mo'e. God's sucka's duzn't beg! Right on! To plum simply state da damn NEED -- de critical CRISIS NEED -- ought t'be enough. Lop some boogie.
Until next mond, when ah' gots'ta reveal t'ya', in confidence, de incredible circumstances by which dese giant doo's gots jimmey'd befo'e me, ah' leave some mighty serious crisis-decision in yo' hands.
Wid sincere love, in Jesus' dojigger,
Herbert W. Armstrong
NOW CHOOSE FROM THESE SIX OTHER EXCITING INTERNATIONAL VERSIONS:
ENGLISH REDNECK ELMER FUDD
MORON PIG LATIN COCKNEY
TO THE GRAVEYARD CHURCH OF GOD HOMEPAGE