Predictions for 2008

A new year is almost upon us all, and rather than let Ron Weinland (that's not him in the picture) have all the fun, here are a few alternative predictions.

* The Great Tribulation will not begin this year, and Ron will have a problem with all those books that say it will gathering dust in his garage.

* A major COG figure from times past - perhaps more than one - will pass on to their eternal reward, leaving those still here trying to come up with something tactful but true to say about them.

* The main COGs (UCG, LCG) will continue to lose ministers, several of whom will start up their own religious business venture (with little success.)

* The main COGs will continue to bleed members, some of whom will go out with high drama, but most of which will quietly disengage.

* At least one of the minor COGs will disappear completely, and hardly anyone will notice.

* There will be some really wacky ads appearing in The Journal.

* Rod Meredith will call a church-wide fast.

* Joe Tkach will not resign as Pastor General and not put in place representative structures in the WCG.

* David Hulme will continue to clock up frequent flier miles.

* Bob Thiel will make an unflattering comparison between LCG and UCG (one guess as to which will be "unflattered".)

* Under guise of "watching world news" several COGs will issue outrageous political commentaries (what else is new?)

* Scores of members in splinter groups will suffer irrecoverable financial loss or die unnecessarily following church teaching about healing and tithing (including special appeals.)

* LCG will publish an article explaining why Christians shouldn't vote.

* The new CGI website - if it ever eventuates - won't have been worth the wait.

* Fred Coulter's "new" translation of the whole Bible will be a colossal waste of time and tithes.

Well, OK, most of these are dead certs, but it's nice to have a high accuracy rating. It's also admittedly very similar to last year's prognostications... but then, well, these guys really are predictable. One thing I did get wrong last time was: "Ron Weinland will start qualifying and backtracking as he realises that he's painted himself into a date-setting corner." In fact Ronald's lemming impulse has moved up a gear.

Now it's over to you... what do you think 2008 will bring in the post-Herbal gulag?

Port Austin

The Port Austin kerfuffle has been resolved by the courts, if anyone cares... I certainly don't. The Journal however has something about it on their website.

What's more remarkable is that on the same website there's an article by Norm Edwards called How to Start and Run a Local Church.

Any irony is probably unintentional.

Weinland's Year of Doom (Pt. 2)

Ronald Weinland speaketh the prophetic word... hear one of the latest interviews here (with a British radio interviewer who can't quite believe his ears). Elsewhere Weinland reveals that April is the page to mark on your calendar... which means there's not even six months left. Maybe we should all take the opportunity to max out our credit cards before the balloon goes up.

Interesting that Ron, when asked directly if he's going to flee anywhere, explicitly denies it! Do we take it that Weinland isn't going to the "Place of Safety"? And if there's no place of safety, well, what's the point? Or is he just being coy to ensure only the right type of people make it to Petra?

But then, heaven forbid, what if Ron has simply screwed up this whole date-setting thing big time?

No worries, there's plenty of precedent. Here are six strategies Ron can adapt to haul his chestnuts out of the fire.

1. It happened - but not visibly. This is what the SDAs did after 1844, and the Jehovah's Witnesses after 1914. A bit disingenuous, but whatever works, right?

2. It happened - but in an understated way. Remember (if you're an oldie) when Herb proclaimed that 1972's terminus to the 19 year time cycle was marked not by falling H-bombs but a new series of Plain Truth ads in the Reader's Digest? This strategy has the advantage that it was used by the not-so End Time Apostle himself, so already has a kind of imprimatur.

3. Fire Drill. The Eternal was just testing, like the almost-sacrifice of Isaac. At the last moment Yahweh can reveal to Ron that he's decided to press the pause button... everyone "as you were."

4. Oops, the numbers got scrambled. Just let me recalculate... which is what the Millerites did back in the 1840s, providing a further opportunity to get it wrong all over again.

5. I never actually said that, or, I'm not technically a prophet. Not really an option, even though there's Herbal precedent, as Ron did say it and does claim to be a prophet, but hey, folks have short memories (especially if they avoid the Internet.)

6. Playing it safe. It was Ron's commission to preach this even if it didn't happen. This is the Jonah defense (after being fish food he preached Nineveh's destruction and then had the Eternal pull out "plan B" without so much as a beg pardon). This may be Ron's best option. Give it a bit of a twist and you can even make it "prove" that Ron is God's prophet (would a false prophet risk saying nutty stuff like this?)

Yes, Judge Rutherford, Herb, the Two Willies (Miller & Dankenbring) and a whole bunch of others have offered up dates that were disconfirmed, but did that stop them? Heck no! So Ron, don't sweat it; hang tight dude.

How many followers/members/happy tithe-payers Weinland has is impossible to gauge from his website, but it's likely to be minuscule. Nevertheless the 2008 prediction seems to have attracted quite a lot of attention, certainly more than he got ministering in either WCG or UCG, and let's face it, there have to be more than a few feeble-minded suckers paying his bills.

In addition to the end time and COG-PKG websites, the Prophet/First Witness has his own blog at www.ronaldweinland.com, where he reveals that, dear lord, he's going to be here in New Zealand on January 5 (!) before flying across the ditch to "help new people in their beginning stages of growth" in Australia.


PCG Breakaway?
There are reports - though so far few details - that the New Zealand PCG has suffered schism with a former local leader walking away and taking a number of locals with him.

The End is Nigher Than You Think (Pt. 1)

(For all postings on Ronald Weinland click here.)

"It is now with boldness, confidence and great clarity that I give to you what God has given me. I am to announce, through God’s direct revelation, that I am one of those two witnesses."
(Ronald Weinland, 2008: God's Final Witness, p.16)

"When this book is published at the end of summer of 2006, (with distribution in full swing in the fall), there will be a maximum time of two years remaining before the world will be plunged into the worst time of all human history. By the fall of 2008, the United States will have collapsed as a world power, or it will have begun its collapse and no longer exist as an independent nation within six months after that time. There is a marginal, six-month window of time that God has not yet revealed concerning this specific moment of time. This will be revealed some time soon after the distribution of this book begins."
(Ibid., p.244)

So there you have it, 2007 was the last full year of civilization as we know it. Hope you made the most of it!

Of course it's probably too late for the demon-possessed folk who visit this blog: agnostics, atheists, Catholics, Evangelicals and wickedly independent Sabbatarians; gehenna-fodder every one of you (with the obvious exception of Tom Mahon). But for those true brethren (which presumably excludes UCG, LCG, and other heretical factions of scoffers and naysayers) here's the precious link so you can read Witness Weinland's books for yourself. Download copies while you can... as they say at The Journal, this is "time-sensitive material."

Come the Fall (that's Autumn in the Ephraimite dominions of the North, and Spring Down Under), or six months thereafter, one thing is for sure, somebody is going to have egg on their face.

But never fear Ron, should all those infallible prophetic assurances turn to custard, there are some dandy time-tested tips for a quick no-apology-needed recovery. More about that in part 2.

Another UCG "bah, humbug!"

Yet another "gee whiz" article in the media about Christians who don't keep Christmas. This time it's Arnie Hampton and Todd Carey who step up to the plate in Scrooge-mode, along with a gaggle of similarly-minded non-COGgers : "It's not in the Bible," said Arnold Hampton, 58, minister of the United Church of God Columbia, Md., who hasn't celebrated the holiday since 1966. "Jesus never mentioned it."
These two articles (see the December 21 entry for a link to the other one) have got to be the biggest chunk of exposure UCG has had in a long while, perhaps confirming its status as the "respectable" face of Armstrongism today... which, to look on the positive side, must really have hosed off some of the other break-aways.

Garner Ted and the Archbishop

"This year, the Archbishop of Canterbury and head of the Anglican Church, Dr. Rowan Williams, has echoed some of the same points made by Garner Ted Armstrong."

Those are scary words, and GTA is probably rolling over in his grave at the very suggestion. The quote comes from British writer Adrian Morgan, in an article called The Struggle for the Soul of Christmas.

"In the United States, Evangelist Garner Ted Armstrong, who died in 2003, argued that Christmas as it is currently celebrated has little to do with the known details of Christ's birth. He has written: "But it is impossible to 'put Christ back in Christmas,' since He was never in Christmas in the first place!" Armstrong's arguments have some weight."

It's a reasonably balanced, thoughtful piece that chronicles the curious customs of Christmas. Interesting too that, in dear old Blighty, it's Ted who's remembered after all these years - thanks to all those rambling monologues on Radio Caroline - rather than his father.

Related link: Top Anglican: Christmas Tale Just A Legend

BS

One of the more interesting ministries to spring from the decomposing corpse of the WCG is biblestudy.org, the brainchild of Alan Ruth.

Alan takes a commendably independent approach, calling on the skills of many helpful COG volunteers. Thanks to its nifty URL the site acts as a magnet for conservative Christians of all persuasions, anxious for a dollop of down-home apologetics.

While Alan is scrupulously impartial, in the sense that he doesn't endorse any specific COG group, he keeps the operation running by accepting advertising from various COG ministries including Fred Coulter, Art Mokarow, COG New World Ministries (a new splinter - at least to me - that seems to be related to CGI/ICG) and Church of God Ministries International (same background?)

Alan's website gets prominent mention in a recently published book featuring skeptical authors, including Richard Dawkins.

Everything You Know About God Is Wrong is a compendium of anti-apologetics, published as a "Disinformation Guide." And there, on page 127, biblestudy.org along with volunteer question answerers Rick and Eileen Beltz, achieve a kind of immortality.

In a section of the book by Bobbie Kirkhart (Bridging the Leap of Faith) the discussion turns to the daughters of Lot who did unto dad what no virtuous daughter would ever dream of doing. Kirkhart quotes from what might be called "the Beltz defense."

"Given the situation wouldn't you be a bit distressed and afraid of what might happen next? Lot's daughters must have thought it was the end of civilization and that they were some of the only people then living. They were obviously greatly concerned about the future of their family (and possibly the human race). This concern led them to do what they did."
Kirkhart finds their position on Lot's drunkenness even more interesting. To the question "was Lot an alcoholic?" the Beltz team replies:

"...no, he was not an alcoholic; not even close. You will find in the New Testament book of 2 Peter that Lot is considered a good man, righteous in God's eyes."
To which Kirkhart responds: "Knowledge that the two are incompatible must come as a shock to more than a few people, including George W. Bush, Ted Kennedy, and Mel Gibson."

(To which we might add Herbert W. Armstrong who, like the sodden patriarch of Sodom, even seems to have had daughter issues as well.)

UCG Warns the World!

Yes brethren, the United Church of God, an International Association is living (ahem) up to its "international" reputation, with priceless publicity in Taipei.

Check out the Xmas article that prominently features UCG's West Virginia pastor John Foster (shown in the picture prior to stopping off for fried rice on the way home from services in Roanoke.) Put this guy in a red suit with a stick-on beard and don't you think he'd make a perfect Santa!

John has obviously been a busy little bee with similar free publicity a tad closer to home - in North Dakota (you'll need to scroll down on the link.)

Will the Cincinnati/Denton church follow up with a baptizing tour of Asia? Will Home Office begin publishing The Good News in Mandarin? Does anyone know a good Chinese restaurant in Bismarck?

Meanwhile, over at the Living Church of God they're probably not too worried as Taiwan isn't counted among "our Israelitish peoples." That's a wise move as far as I'm concerned, but then I have my doubts about North Dakota as well...

WCG's Becky Deuel

While UCG holds the line on Christmas, WCG gets some free publicity of its own in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, with a feature on associate pastor Becky Deuel.

Among other things, Becky takes a healthy swipe at the "one chance now or fry" variety of Bible belt Christianity.

She believes Jesus is "the" not "a'" way to salvation "but I don't believe this is the only time for Jesus to be your way.

"I believe God offers second chances to say yes or no to having a relationship with Jesus," Deuel said. "Just because you've heard about Jesus doesn't mean you've had the opportunity to have that relationship.

"If I grow up in a Muslim area, it's very difficult to give up everything to live a Christian life, and, in many areas of the world, you will be persecuted if you are a Christian," she said. "God is a God of love and he wants everyone to be saved."

On Notice

On notice for 2008... with thanks to Comedy Central.

BTW, CGI is still offline.

Living U or Yale? Hmmm...

What are they really teaching about the Bible these days?

No, not at Meredith's back-room Bible college, or any of the shonky operations run by the various COGs... Instead let's pick Yale.

Imagine being able to sit in on an undergraduate Old Testament course. Attend the lectures, access the readings, and do it all for free.

And imagine your lecturer actually knows something about the subject, with a genuine PhD (not a pretend one from a defunct unaccredited Bible college) and is a published author of textbooks and scholarly books (as opposed to booklets about the End Times.)

Quite a bargain.

Welcome to Open Yale, and Introduction to the Old Testament (Hebrew Bible) with Professor Christine Hayes.

This course examines the Old Testament (Hebrew Bible) as an expression of the religious life and thought of ancient Israel, and a foundational document of Western civilization. A wide range of methodologies, including source criticism and the historical-critical school, tradition criticism, redaction criticism, and literary and canonical approaches are applied to the study and interpretation of the Bible. Special emphasis is placed on the Bible against the backdrop of its historical and cultural setting in the Ancient Near East.

Probably just a bit different from offerings at ACCM and Ambassador Bible Center... Biblical Studies, when properly done, isn't in thrall to wishful thinking.

Open Yale Courses provides lectures and other materials from selected Yale College courses to the public free of charge via the internet... Each course includes a full set of class lectures produced in high-quality video accompanied by such other course materials as syllabi, suggested readings, and problem sets. The lectures are available as downloadable videos, and an audio-only version is also offered. In addition, searchable transcripts of each lecture are provided... No enrollment or registration is required. Anyone with access to the internet can enter the web site and view the lectures and other materials.
Did I mention the FREE bit?

So why not check it out. Embrace a challenge. Push the horizons out further. Move out from the popular misrepresentations and grow a little.

And if it turns out not to be the thing for you, what have you lost?

There's a range of other courses available too: astronomy, modern poetry, philosophy, physics, political science and psychology. Amazing! It's got to be a great opportunity to sample real higher education - risk-free, and without the pressures of assignments and exams.

CGI website - doh! The new, improved, super-duper CGI website was supposed to be online November 16. It's now almost December 16, and poor Vance Stinson must be tearing out whatever hair he has left. The Texas-based church is still adrift in cyberspace or, to change the metaphor, up the virtual creek without a paddle.

So why oh why did the lads at CGI flush the old website prematurely? How competent/incompetent is the firm they hired to do the work? Or are they relying on someone's sister's friend's cousin's teenage son to do an el-cheapo job for a few bucks under the table?

Any way you look at it, it's hard to take a church seriously that can't at least manage to create a few transitional pages on the Web to tide them over.

Concordia Copout

Lots of Christians have found much to admire in the fantasy series that begins with The Golden Compass. One excellent example is Killing the Imposter God: Philip Pullman's Spiritual Imagination in His Dark Materials by Donna Freitas and Jason King. These authors find a genuinely prophetic voice in Pullman's prose.

Never a denomination to bother overmuch with subtlety (unless it involves performing intellectual gymnastics with 16th century confessional documents) the Missouri Lutherans have, in contrast, come out in full shrieking mode via their publishing house, Concordia. (You can download the free discussion guide.)

At the beginning it all sounds semi-reasonable, but the fanaticism builds gradually from a murmur to a crescendo.

Rejoice that your names are, by God’s grace, written in the book of life. Stand firm on the God’s promises applied to you at your baptism and do not fear the lies of the world, the devil, and our flesh.

Yeah, yeah.

You can be sure the various WCG splinters won't be far behind in joining the chorus.

Concordia's Paul McCain opines:

My take on it? Don't bother with the movie or the books. No point in putting money in the pockets of people who are clearly intent on attacking and destroying the Christian faith.

Frankly, I'd credit the Missouri Synod with much greater impact in destroying Christianity than Pullman. These are the guys who, holding hands with Seventh-day Adventists, were the original promoters of "flood geology" and 6-literal-day creationism (1). How dumb was that? In the seventies they threw out their own scholars when they wouldn't kow-tow to the papal pretensions of arch-literalist leader Jacob Preus, AKA "Chairman J.A.O." (2).

Now comes the predictable reaction to Pullman: a judgment based on dogma and ideology. Who'd have thought the Christian Science Monitor could teach Missouri Lutherans how to suck eggs? - yet it does. If you're checking out the Monitor piece, why not click on the short audio interview with Jenny Sawyer that accompanies the article.

Cheap polemics shouldn't deter anyone from seeing (or reading) The Golden Compass... or anything else.


(1) See The Creationists: From Scientific Creationism to Intelligent Design, (Harvard University Press, 2006) by Ronald Numbers.

(2) The events are documented in Memoirs of Exile (Fortress Press, 1990) by John Tietjen, former president of Concordia Seminary, St Louis.