As the Days of Herb Were

Wouldn't you know it, the lads at COGWA's Discern magazine have an article called Who Would Jesus Vote For? Erik Jones seems to have been channeling Rod Meredith. Nothing new under the dying Herbal sun.

Discern is the magazine you're having when you're not having a magazine. It's an el cheapo download... no hard copy subscriptions. Like other COG publications, it provides a constant stream of "ain't it awful" commentary. The world is going to wrack and ruin, nobody is keepin' the Ten Commandments, and the only hope left is a strong hand from someplace (nod, wink, the return of a militant Christ to smash recalcitrant kneecaps). Cue the article by Jim Franks, the sort of thing that wouldn't have been out of place in a 1940s Plain Truth.

David Treybig has his eye on the ancient enemy, Satan the Devil, and has helpfully written an article called Satan: A Profile. No mention of dualistic Zoroastrian mythology imported into Judaism. Hmm, wonder why. Could it be Dave doesn't know that stuff.

Jeremy Lallier writes about visionaries. His examples are biblical characters. Mike Bennett asks one of the dumber rhetorical questions: Is God Fair?

Behold brethren, a woman writer! Scott Ashley take note! Becky Sweat has a three-page article entitled You Don't Say! Neal Hogberg writes about modern-day slavery. Erik Jones returns with another piece on where the popular image of Jesus ("pale, long-haired") came from. Actually, I think Erik is caught in a time warp. Contemporary portrayals have changed from the doe-eyed Nordic dude to a more realistic image of a Palestinian Jew.

Joel Meeker writes his usual column - heaven knows why - and the back page promotes COGWA's laughably silly e-book called, ahem, The United States, Britain and the Commonwealth in Prophecy. Knock yourself out.

Downloadable... in fact, that's the only way you'll get a copy.

Happy COG families, parables, Nuclear Neal, and Joel at Armageddon

Break out the milk and cookies, the latest edition of COGWA's not-a-magazine magazine, Discern, is its "happy families" issue.

Happy families? That's always been part of a wholesome PR that goes way back to the seventies, and doubtless beyond that. If you want to know how to break free of the real world, flesh and blood pains and ambiguities of marriage and parenting, do we have good news. Our experts (hack writers) can lead you into the all-American stereotype. Families with flashing white teeth, smiles, the embodiment of niceness and compliance.

Which makes it difficult to explain why so many church kids ditch the whole enterprise just as soon as they're free to walk out the door.

Having said that, there's probably some good advice in this issue. The problem is that good advice is hardly as useful as good example, and how are you going to raise strong, independent, autonomous kids when Mummy and Daddy are doormats to a controlling, high demand sect that tells them what to think?

This edition begins with sagacious advice from the editor, Clyde Kilough. Is Clyde a control freak? I've no idea, but there are a few folk from his days as Beloved Leader at UCG who probably have a well-formed opinion. Becky Sweat has the cover article, 7 Characteristics of Healthy Families. Amazing how that number seven keeps turning up when COG writers want to make a list. It's all very nice, but also somewhat trite (e.g. number 1: A deep commitment to one another).

David Treybig writes on lessons he learned from his parents. Again, there's nothing wrong with what he offers, but it's also fairly platitudinous (e.g. work hard). You might not be surprised to find that "encourage critical thinking" gets missed from the list. At least Dave didn't try to pad it out to the biblical seven. My reaction to number one is a bit jaundiced: "loving authority". Did you say authority?

If  the  Creator  God,  the  being  with  the  most  authority in the universe, can take the time to educate grown-ups on the consequences of their actions, shouldn’t parents do the same for their children?

Now, see, there's the problem Dave, starting with the word 'if' and then moving on to Sky Father imagery. Not that Dave would have a clue what I'm talking about I guess.

Mike Bennett ties in happy families with Sabbath keeping. Sounding semi-enlightened Mike proclaims "The Sabbath was made for man - and families." Maybe he's been dusting off one of the old Bacchiocchi titles. Treybig is back with a piece on the prodigal son parable. It has "overlooked meaning" apparently, so we're all very lucky that Dave can set us straight, courtesy of ten minutes skimming through the Expositor's Bible Commentary.

Jeremy Lallier writes about Putting Character to the Test, based on another parable, the good Samaritan. Then, wouldn't you know it, Mike Bennett is back with the encouraging news that "You can become a Saint!" (in the sense that all Christians are saints). But shouldn't that be you are a Saint?

So far, so vitamin-fortified, family-friendly biblical, but where's the precious (should that be precocious) prophecy? Fear not little flock, Neal Hogberg to the rescue with "New Nuclear Nightmares." Neal rarks up the fear factor, which is, let's face it, the tried and true strategy that has brought home the kosher bacon for COG sects since before the Radio Church of God launched in the 1930s.

Is there more? Erik Jones asks What Did and Didn't Jesus Look Like? (Hint: he had short hair. Yep, I'm as surprised as you aren't.)

No issue of Discern would be complete without a contribution from Joel Meeker. Joel plays on his experience as an amateur archaeologist with a one-page column on the joys of shifting dirt at Armageddon. I'm sure, once he'd finished, he uttered the words "Armageddon outa here!"

You can't read a hard copy issue because it seems COGWA does this on the cheap as a download only. The link at the top will take you to a page where you can do just that. Knock yourself out.

Discern for March - the "sort of" magazine

Every self-respecting church needs a promotional magazine (except Joe Tkach's GCI apparently), so it's no surprise that the UCG malcontents who formed COGWA (Church of God, a Worldwide Association) have put a good deal of thought into their own flagship publication, Discern.

But is it really a magazine when the only way you can read it is as a PDF? Granted, it's a frugal game plan. No postage costs, no left-over copies gathering dust. Whether people actually read PDFs in the same way they read hard copy is a moot point. There's a certain pleasure in sitting back in an armchair, turning real pages at your leisure that you simply don't get staring at a screen. All of COGWA's 'literature' seems to be available in this form, and only in this form. Time will tell whether it's an effective strategy for the long haul.

If this were a mainline church publication, you'd say it had an Easter theme, with a crown of thorns on the cover. Open it up (so to speak) and the graphics and layout are quite impressive. The first major feature you hit is a lengthy article by Clyde Kilough on Passover. That's followed by one in a similar vein by Jim Franks. Keeping on message is He is Risen! Now What? by Jeremy Lallier. Obviously, COGWA wants to proclaim its message "in due season".

Rick Avent moves to other matters with Does God Exist? He's up to Proof 3: The Origin of Life. I couldn't bear to invest time reading this, life is so short, and I have a copy of New Scientist that's higher on the priority list. Do you think Rick reads New Scientist?

Mike Bennett writes under the intriguing title, 5 Foolish Things we do to Foul Up our Future. Reading virtual COG magazines isn't on the list. Becky Sweat writes on The Loneliness Epidemic. Neal Hogberg beats the drum on ISIS with An Apocalyptic Crisis.

You get the impression that Discern requires a better standard of journalism of its in-house writers than, say, Tomorrow's World. Faint praise given the standard over at TW. That said, it's the same message you'll find in other COG periodicals. The articles in one are interchangeable with another.

The PDF is available to download.

(If you're interested in what's in the latest PCG mag, The Trumpet, you might like to check out Redfox's Living Armstrongism blog where he's got a detailed outline.)