The Wiener Effect

It's been a rare month for AW, with visits already hitting a 12 month high days before the end of April. This month had the highest single day's traffic on - wait for it - the seventeenth!

I'd like to thank Ronald Weinland for his assistance. Without his warbling loon-call it'd have been a much more modest affair. In fact, as you can see from the graph*, "the Wiener effect" has been driving traffic up for several months.

But bad news Ronald, the Google searches for your name are dropping away. To put it kindly, you're rapidly becoming last week's fish chowder. Big buildup, huge expectations, and all we get is a little tap-dancing on the hot coals of bitter reality.

Yes Ron, I know my metaphors are mixed, but not nearly as mixed as the feelings of the good people who got caught up - wallets and hearts - in your lurid, ego-driven fantasies.

So is Ronniekins now doing the right thing? Even a little "ooops!" maybe?

Over on the Shadows blog there's a transcript taken from Witness W's latest oratorically-challenged preachment. Here's an excerpt:

"I'll discuss these things later on, again, we realize maybe some will have that opportunity, but I do want to be clear here that because of this last Sabbath, God has made it abundantly clear, and it's also posted on the site, I wanna clear some of this up.

"I've talked about the 45 days and the 90 days, that was done on the James Whale show, primarily to give an idea here on the general timing of events for his sake and the listening audience. We see how quickly he got onto that one, I'm joking, he didn't, he never could get it, toward the very end I think he finally got it, you know, when I was saying 45 to 90 days. I want to make it real clear. Nothing will happen specifically about the second trumpet obviously until after Pentecost...

"So we are going to have the opportunity to get together again on Pentecost, and we are planning that, so again, I can't plan certain things until I know. What happened last Sabbath, I didn't know what the 17th was going to bring fully, by any measure, but uh, it is very clear that we will not have anything happen on a massive scale to prevent us from coming together on Pentecost. So all the Elders in all the areas that set up locations, we're going to same locations again as a whole, so I'd like to ask all the elders to please make plans accordingly, and to rent the facilities as necessary because that is a Sabbath, and High Day the following day on Sunday, so that gives us another opportunity to do like we did last weekend. So we are going to have that opportunity again... We are going to have the opportunity to come together again on Pentecost. So, okayyyy."

So okayyyy? Everybody back to orange alert, we'll do it all again at Pentecost!

There's an old adage: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

* Graph updated since original upload

It's turning to custard...

Now there's talk of an insider coup to topple Ronnie from his COG-PKG throne, or is it just clever Ronnie covering his options? Hard to tell. It's not clear whether "plan B" comes with Ronnie's imprimatur or not. In fact it's hard to assess the value of the source that's spilled the beans.

Either way, Weinland will not be a happy chap to see it hit the Net.

To put it in perspective, the pathetic little power play inside a minuscule sect is irrelevant. At best it's game-playing by a bunch of hopeless yobbos splashing around in a very small pond. All of the Weinland PR over the 17th couldn't score a story on AP, not even under "human interest".

The Weinland Tribulation was always going to be the Tribulation you're having when you're not having the Tribulation. Anyone who thinks they can pull their chestnuts out of this campfire intact is, well, nuts.

But there's certainly entertainment value for those of us on the sidelines. Popcorn anyone?

On a different tack, have you ever wondered what became of Herbert Armstrong's relatives? A tip off on another thread suggests that the guy in the picture above is Larry Gott, a grandson of HWA. Larry has a series of talks on YouTube called Prophecy Schmophecy: None of it is true.

Way to go Larry! Finally, an "Armstrong" who makes sense! You can catch part 1 here, part 2 here, and part three here. And yes, he does mention HWA (briefly in pt.1) and Ronnie (pt.3)

What can you say?

This piece of visual art comes courtesy of Ekklesia's Bill Ferguson. I think it captures the true spirit of Ron's ministry nicely, and it's more convenient that phylacteries!

Does this qualify as "mocking"? If so, please tell Ron that Bill made me do it!

Bill has been a busy fellow, digging up this classic bit of Armstrong spin from 1953.

Now HERE IS SOMETHING STARTLING! Herman Hoeh, in his eye-opening article you will read in the June number of The PLAIN TRUTH on the Times of the Gentiles shows that the Times of the Gentiles---if chronologies are correct---will come to their final end in the year 1982. Very few have ever rightly understood the Times of the Gentiles---what they are, or when they end. They are to last until all the Gentile nations come to ACKNOWLEDGE that God is the real RULER over all nations and men. They will not acknowledge that when Christ first comes. Instead, they shall fight against Him---at Armageddon---and resist His rule. Christ shall rebuke strong nations afar off UNTIL (Moffatt translation) they recognize these truths. Christ will have to send famine, and then plagues, in successive YEARS, upon the Egyptians, before they will acknowledge Him as rightful RULER (Zech. 14).

Now if this chronology is correct, that means Christ shall return some very few years PRIOR to 1982! NO MAN KNOWS THE DAY, HOUR, OR YEAR OF CHRIST'S RETURN. But we CAN know exact dates of one or two other events. Jesus also still has to complete the confirming of the COVENANT---the NEW Covenant---with Israel for 3 years after He comes, according to the prophecy of Daniel's "70 weeks." (Dan. 9:24-27). The last half of that 70th "week" (actual 7 years) remains to be fulfilled after Christ's return. He was "cut off" by being crucified after 3 years of confirming the covenant (Rom. 15:8 and Dan. 9:27). We do not know, however, whether this last 3 years to take place after Christ's coming will coincide with the period required for the Gentile nations to come to acknowledge Christ as WORLD RULER.

Then, besides, there are two other 3-year periods prophesied to occur prior to Christ's coming. The first of these begins with the invasion of America and Britain in World War 3. THEREFORE we have a TOTAL OF THREE 3-year periods, or 10 years, which MUST occur between the invasion of America and the ending of the Times of the Gentiles. The invasion of the United States with HYDROGEN-bombs that shall destroy our cities, therefore, must BEGIN at least 10 years PRIOR to the ending of the Times of the Gentiles! IF THE TIMES OF THE GENTILES END IN 1982, in October, as Mr. Hoeh has it figured, THE INVASION OF AMERICA AND THE GREAT TRIBULATION MUST BEGIN NOT LATER THAT MARCH-APRIL, 1972!

So there you have it, it was all Herman's fault. Or maybe not, after all it wasn't Herman who plastered it all over the PT and screamed about it in CAPS to the faithful co-workers with Christ. You may not have even been alive then, but the old sinner wasn't a lot different from the guy most of us knew and loved decades later ...
And that's the other "enchanting" thing about this letter; the blatant call for money. Read the whole thing on Ekklesia, but take precautions first and have a barf bag handy.
Meanwhile, here we all are - finally - in the Weinland Great Tribulation (see picture). As they say, better late than never. Remember to lock your doors and practice saying: "Ich bin ein römisch-katholischen!" The stormtroopers could be dropping by any day now.

Khazars, Wisconsin Dells and Ron

You'd have thought everything that could be said about Armstrongism has been said. But not so. Here's a selection of new resources available online.

* Over at Greg Doudna's Scrollery is a new article by Neotherm - an active contributor to discussion here on AW. Neo discusses the highly anti-Semitic variety of BI that flourished at Big Sandy which adapted the arguments created by Arthur Koestler in The Thirteenth Tribe. Neo doesn't name names, but even here in far off NZ some of us were aware of ministers who were deeply impacted by this teaching: David Robinson, author of Herbert Armstrong's Tangled Web, is one such individual who comes to mind. WCG was hugely conflicted over Judaism, but one aspect that needs to be factored in is the conspiracy mentality that existed in "mainline" BI, represented by groups such as the British-Israel World Federation which actively promoted nonsense like Gary Allen's moronic None Dare Call It Conspiracy in the seventies.

* Bill Ferguson continues to provide access to fascinating historical documents on his Ekklesia site. Recently 1975 In Prophecy! saw the light of day again thanks to Bill. Now there are two new articles, a letter by John Kiesz, a fellow minister with HWA in the Church of God (Seventh Day) prior to the latter's apostacy, and an article published at the time of the 1975 Feast in Wisconsin Dells that reveals the direction GTA's thinking was taking at that stage. Both can be accessed from this page.

If you're not completely Weinlanded-Out, there's some excellent new stuff on various blogs. Shadows of WCG is one, written by a former member of one of Weinland's WCG congregations. Her (?) reflections on Ronald's ministerial style are enlightening, as is an unmissable "open letter" to Weinland which poses the hard questions. Simply brilliant.

Witless in Jerusalem

Ronnie Weinland is going down with all guns blazing. There's an amazing entry on the Weinland Watch blog: "It has begun." Highlights...

* Laura, a.k.a. Witness Two, "is to “witness” (i.e., watch) Weinland “witness” (i.e., prophesy). Yes you read that correctly."

Wow, do ya think Laura can handle all that responsibility?

* "the sound of the first trumpet was only heard by truly converted members of god’s church..."

How convenient.

* "Weinland’s first act as one of the two witnesses of the book of Revelation and the spokesman for both is to call forth cancer on all of those who mock him."

Sheesh!

* "This sermon makes it more than clear that he will not step down, as he promised “by Pentecost or July”, as the proof in the pudding is supposed to be the second trumpet, which is supposed to sound (with death, destruction, drought and diseases) in 45-90 days ...”

There's still gold in them there gullible co-workers.

The whole sorry sermon can be heard online, for those with a masochistic tendencies.

My reaction: this guy is one sick bit of...

Oh wait! News just in from an alternate earth in a parallel dimension. The tribulation has begun! Remarkable pictures here... or rather, there. Posted above is one that shows the alternate Bob Thiel being struck down by the Witnesses' Wrath! Thing is, the First Witness there isn't Ronnie... it's hard to make out, but it sounds like... Doctor Hoeh??

It's the missus!

The Two Witnesses are now revealed. We knew number one was Ronnie, for he told us so. Now, confirming all the pundits' speculations, we learn that number two is Ron's lovely but long-suffering wife, Laura. Surprise!

As someone has already pointed out, Johnny Harrell must be gutted - upstaged by a woman! Aren't the "little ladies" in "Wiener World" supposed to keep silent? A woman as the second Witness? Now there's a turn-up for the books. Could this be the End... of COG misogyny?

Fat chance. But maybe there's another reason Ron is keeping it "in the family."

Ron's credibility tank is almost on empty... even Johnny must be having secret doubts. The manipulation is going to be harder to get away with as each day brings further disconfirmation. The tithe dollars will be drying up as we speak.

But the real question now is how much money did Weinland bleed from vulnerable, credulous people in the last 12 - 24 months? If the game is up - and it is, despite the desperate posturing - the next question is will Ron and helpmate Laura give back the money?

Not likely! Ron has an exit strategy. Apologize, admit that he got it wrong, walk away.

That's exactly what he's said he'll do. I believe him.

Walk away with money in the bank.

It has been, I suspect, a brilliant short term fund-raiser for Ron and Laura's retirement.

Please note, I'm not suggesting anything illegal. Ronnie is far too clever for that. In fact, that's the tip-off: he doesn't come across as a raving loon. Ron is more calculating. He'll probably even put on a good show of genuine regret for his sincere excesses.

But I wonder whether after that, sufficiently "humbled" but cash-rich, Ron will then fade away in obscurity to a distant but sunny spot with a very nice home in a gated community, vehicles and golf club membership.

A case of "so-long suckers!"?

A Tribute to Witness Weinland

Ronald Weinland is an inspiring figure, and as he goeth forth to meet his destiny this week, it only seems fitting that his prophetic mission be marked by profound theological discourse and suitably reverent songs of praise. To this end AW has two offerings: a peer reviewed discussion reflecting on the nature of time itself (of which we're fast running out as Ronald heralds the End), and inspiring music that captures the greatness of the moment we are all privileged to be living in.

The first link is to the very topical discussion "What Time Is It...?"
The second link is offered as a deeply respectful serenade in the Spirit to accompany the revelation of the Second Witness (warning: may contain glossolalia, the sound of the second trumpet, and nuclear weapon detonation.)

Please use both resources prayerfully.

"How do we know...

... that you're a prophet, Ronald, and not just some sort of nut-case who's hearing voices in his head?"

That's the question Ron Weinland was asked on Britain's TalkSport radio this week by James Whale (who, as the photos show, actually looks a lot like Ron, except hipper.) I'm not sure Ronnie really answered it. But for those of you unfortunate folk living in the USA, Ronaldo proclaims nuclear attack within sixty days, or maybe ninety... it kinda depends... But those devious Europeans are right now planning a surprise attack on America's port cities (San Francisco, New York.)

And lo, Ronnie will be announcing from Jerusalem just who will join him as number 2 in the Two Witnesses next Sabbath, the 19th. My best guess is Big Bird from Sesame Street.

Are we all excited?

"My end is already written in the book," says Ron. Lucky guy, not everyone gets a personal mention in scripture. And starting the 17th (that's this Thursday) the pope is going to be very unhappy with Ron!

45 -90 days... the second trumpet gets blown. Ronnie seems to be backing away from saying that anything will actually happen on the 17th. Could the old boy be stringing this out while he milks the publicity - and income stream - for all its worth? Perish the thought!

"Why are you going to Jerusalem?"

"That's where my job starts."

You can expect the Israeli authorities will be keeping close tabs on this bloke when he touches down. He probably has a file right next to Rohan's and David Ben Ariel's. My advice? Don't let that sucker off the plane.

You can listen in to Prophet/Witness Weinland's interview right here. Knock yourself out!

Weinland Warns the World

A lot of folk have been winding up on this blog lately after tapping "Ronald Weinland" (or "Ron Weinland") into Google. If you're one of them - welcome!

To access past postings here on Ronnie Weinland, click the Weinland label at the bottom of this entry. If you haven't come across it yet, you might like to also check out the Weinland Watch blog (unrelated to AW).

The "short and skinny" on Weinland is that he has a past history with the Worldwide Church of God under Herbert W. Armstrong, and later the United Church of God. I imagine neither organization would want to know him these days, and he currently runs his very own designer sect. Armstrong was, and the UCG is, "Adventist" in the sense that the End of the Age is supposedly just around the corner, based on a misreading of passages in Daniel, Revelation, Matthew 24 and elsewhere. Armstrong also speculated about dates - though nothing as crass as Weinland - before getting his fingers burned (and ruining a lot of lives in the process). UCG isn't silly enough to set actual dates.

Weinland speaks well, and with considerable self assurance. But a bravura display of bravado means absolutely nothing, and you won't have to wait long to see egg splattered on this particular prophet's pasty pate: Weinland has proclaimed April 17 as the beginning of the Great Tribulation.

If you're interested in the sort of peripheral ideas he's on about - the Sabbath and other biblical doctrines - less toxic or off-the-wall versions can be found - such as the Church of God (Seventh Day).

The Weinland prophecies are set to crash and burn, providing sociologists of religion with an interesting case study in delusional stupidity. (In fact it wouldn't surprise me if some university grad students had been planted in Weinland-land in order to get up close to their research subject!) For the other Churches of God he's just an embarrassment, and for ex-members (like the people who frequent this blog) a painful reminder of just how loopy things could occasionally get.

March 18 and the Weinland Wind-Up

Bob Thiel notes, over on his blog, that February is now past and there's precious little out there to corroborate the Weinland fantasies.

Which is very true, though I'd add that there's an equally impressive track record of disconfirmation for Dr. Roderick C. Spanky's "three to five years" routine which, it seems, he's been blathering on about since the 1950s. I guess Math isn't his strong suit.

Ronnie, however, committed the cardinal sin of not hedging any bets. The End is datable. In a perverse way it makes him less a slimeball than the greasy prevaricators who run the larger tithe-farming operations.

But, as Alfred E. Neuman is famous for saying: "What me worry?"

Bob reminds us that, according to Weinland, the dread 1290 days of prophecy begins March 18. (The 1335 days, as previously reported here, supposedly began February 2.)

So, do you think Ron is worried at the apparent inability of the Eternal to fulfill his part of the Doomsday bargain? It's certainly not a polite thing for He Whose Name Is Faithful and True to fail to turn up on time for his own apocalypse.

Do you think his tithe payers might be having second thoughts?

In that March 18 also marks my birthday, I shall be specially alert to the import of the date this year. In fact, I'll probably have to consult with Dennis Diehl as to whether this "coincidence" gives me an inside running on being one of the Two Witnesses.

Now if only I knew where to pick up a designer sackcloth shirt...

The Last Daze: 1335 sleeps to go

Big news brethren: "the 1335 days before the actual day Jesus Christ returns began on February 2, 2008."

Woo hoo!

These are the words of Ronnie Weinland, God's little helper. Ronnie stands at the head of a church that now boasts two "presiding evangelists", Wayne Matthews in Australia/New Zealand and Johnny Harrell in the US and Canada. My guess is that they've both sent in some generous checks to fund the final push.

And so The End, dear brethren, is indeed at hand. But not perhaps in the way Ronnie thinks. After 1335 days of fear mongering and spiritual manipulation of sincere, naive, credulous victims, Ronnie's fantasies are bound to come tumbling down on his own head. I suspect he's already arranged for a hard hat.

But spare a thought for the folk he's suckering in. Take this guy for example:

He [Weinland] has written two very good books... I have read both numerous times and find them an excellent fountain of truth about religion and the lies that have been spread/done in Gods name. I had no interest in religion of any sort up until this point but once reading his books; it was like the truth was undeniable and plain to see for those with ears to listen and eyes to see.

[T]he worst was telling my girlfriend; she was on holiday at the time so I had two weeks to read the books and formulate what I would tell her. The day she came back I sat her down and explained to her what I had found out and the great truths that had been revealed to me; I expected her to flip and call me crazy and dump [m]e for being a nutter; she was amazing and completely understood and stood by me. Again I was in shock but one thing; she does not observe the Sabbath which is a pain...

One thing we have agreed upon is that when events build in magnitude to a degree that cannot be denied she will then start observing the Sabbath with me.

Everything that Ronald states in his books are coming to pass more and more as he predicts i.e. the seven thunders and the previous 5 seals being opened.

To me the world/universe around me has always been proof of higher intelligence; up until about 8 years ago I bought evolution like most peeps but then my friend asked me some questions and pointed out some obvious flaws and that’s when my journey for the truth began.

Until Ronald I believed that perhaps E.T's were responsible for life on earth but now I know better.
(Source)Back to "Ronald":

All that we are experiencing right now is a very small taste, just an ice cube on the tip of an iceberg of what is coming, as God begins to call thousands upon tens of thousands of people over the next year. From there it goes into the millions—all in preparation for the return of Jesus Christ and the establishment of God’s Government over all the earth in the fall of 2011.

Will Weinland's ice cube turn into a Titanic sized iceberg, or just melt into a puddle on a page of obscure footnotes about apocalyptic delusions?

And is Ronnie himself a couple of ice cubes short of a scotch on the rocks?

With only 1335 sleeps to go, time - as they say - will most definitely tell!

Weinland's Year of Doom (Pt. 2)

Ronald Weinland speaketh the prophetic word... hear one of the latest interviews here (with a British radio interviewer who can't quite believe his ears). Elsewhere Weinland reveals that April is the page to mark on your calendar... which means there's not even six months left. Maybe we should all take the opportunity to max out our credit cards before the balloon goes up.

Interesting that Ron, when asked directly if he's going to flee anywhere, explicitly denies it! Do we take it that Weinland isn't going to the "Place of Safety"? And if there's no place of safety, well, what's the point? Or is he just being coy to ensure only the right type of people make it to Petra?

But then, heaven forbid, what if Ron has simply screwed up this whole date-setting thing big time?

No worries, there's plenty of precedent. Here are six strategies Ron can adapt to haul his chestnuts out of the fire.

1. It happened - but not visibly. This is what the SDAs did after 1844, and the Jehovah's Witnesses after 1914. A bit disingenuous, but whatever works, right?

2. It happened - but in an understated way. Remember (if you're an oldie) when Herb proclaimed that 1972's terminus to the 19 year time cycle was marked not by falling H-bombs but a new series of Plain Truth ads in the Reader's Digest? This strategy has the advantage that it was used by the not-so End Time Apostle himself, so already has a kind of imprimatur.

3. Fire Drill. The Eternal was just testing, like the almost-sacrifice of Isaac. At the last moment Yahweh can reveal to Ron that he's decided to press the pause button... everyone "as you were."

4. Oops, the numbers got scrambled. Just let me recalculate... which is what the Millerites did back in the 1840s, providing a further opportunity to get it wrong all over again.

5. I never actually said that, or, I'm not technically a prophet. Not really an option, even though there's Herbal precedent, as Ron did say it and does claim to be a prophet, but hey, folks have short memories (especially if they avoid the Internet.)

6. Playing it safe. It was Ron's commission to preach this even if it didn't happen. This is the Jonah defense (after being fish food he preached Nineveh's destruction and then had the Eternal pull out "plan B" without so much as a beg pardon). This may be Ron's best option. Give it a bit of a twist and you can even make it "prove" that Ron is God's prophet (would a false prophet risk saying nutty stuff like this?)

Yes, Judge Rutherford, Herb, the Two Willies (Miller & Dankenbring) and a whole bunch of others have offered up dates that were disconfirmed, but did that stop them? Heck no! So Ron, don't sweat it; hang tight dude.

How many followers/members/happy tithe-payers Weinland has is impossible to gauge from his website, but it's likely to be minuscule. Nevertheless the 2008 prediction seems to have attracted quite a lot of attention, certainly more than he got ministering in either WCG or UCG, and let's face it, there have to be more than a few feeble-minded suckers paying his bills.

In addition to the end time and COG-PKG websites, the Prophet/First Witness has his own blog at www.ronaldweinland.com, where he reveals that, dear lord, he's going to be here in New Zealand on January 5 (!) before flying across the ditch to "help new people in their beginning stages of growth" in Australia.


PCG Breakaway?
There are reports - though so far few details - that the New Zealand PCG has suffered schism with a former local leader walking away and taking a number of locals with him.

The End is Nigher Than You Think (Pt. 1)

(For all postings on Ronald Weinland click here.)

"It is now with boldness, confidence and great clarity that I give to you what God has given me. I am to announce, through God’s direct revelation, that I am one of those two witnesses."
(Ronald Weinland, 2008: God's Final Witness, p.16)

"When this book is published at the end of summer of 2006, (with distribution in full swing in the fall), there will be a maximum time of two years remaining before the world will be plunged into the worst time of all human history. By the fall of 2008, the United States will have collapsed as a world power, or it will have begun its collapse and no longer exist as an independent nation within six months after that time. There is a marginal, six-month window of time that God has not yet revealed concerning this specific moment of time. This will be revealed some time soon after the distribution of this book begins."
(Ibid., p.244)

So there you have it, 2007 was the last full year of civilization as we know it. Hope you made the most of it!

Of course it's probably too late for the demon-possessed folk who visit this blog: agnostics, atheists, Catholics, Evangelicals and wickedly independent Sabbatarians; gehenna-fodder every one of you (with the obvious exception of Tom Mahon). But for those true brethren (which presumably excludes UCG, LCG, and other heretical factions of scoffers and naysayers) here's the precious link so you can read Witness Weinland's books for yourself. Download copies while you can... as they say at The Journal, this is "time-sensitive material."

Come the Fall (that's Autumn in the Ephraimite dominions of the North, and Spring Down Under), or six months thereafter, one thing is for sure, somebody is going to have egg on their face.

But never fear Ron, should all those infallible prophetic assurances turn to custard, there are some dandy time-tested tips for a quick no-apology-needed recovery. More about that in part 2.

Ronnie warns the world

"The end-time has come. Hundreds of millions will die in the worst time of tribulation the world has ever known. You need to be informed so you can know how to respond."
(Ronnie Weinland's COG-PKG website)

Weinland claims that "this coming year (2007) is the preparation year for the church (His Church), he claims that 2008 is the year of the final witness to the world."
(WCG Alumni post)

The End is nigh! Prophecy is being fulfilled!

Yeah, right.

Since the disappointment of 1972, any number of self-appointed "watchmen" have been waggling their tonsils and announcing the impending tribulation. Take Willie Dankenbring for example. "His latest significant failure was in stating that Bill Clinton would be successor to Kofi Annan as the U.N. Secretary" (WCG Alumni post)

The method of preference is "strongly suggested possibility." The typical Herbal Prophet begins with tentative phrases such as "could it be that next year will see X happen?" ... then they proceed as if it's a dead certainty before exhorting the sheep to "dig deep" for the final push.

Then they blame the sheep for jumping to conclusions when nothing happens!

But back to Ronnie. The former UCG elder, now running his very own designer sect, COG-PKG, has written a book all about 2008. And lo, he doesn't seem to be prevaricating about his chosen dates. Thus saith Ronnie:

"From now until the latter part of 2008, many prophecies are going to begin to be fulfilled, especially the Seven Thunders of the Book of Revelation, which the apostle John saw but was restricted from recording. Those thunders are revealed in this book, as well as detailed accounts of the final three and one-half years of man's self-rule on earth, which are recorded in the account of the Seventh Seal of Revelation.

"Some of these prophecies concern the demise of the United States over the next two years, which will be followed by man's final world war."

But let's cheat and flick to the last page of this insightful opus:

"As the spokesman of God’s two end-time witnesses and as His end-time prophet, I have fulfilled my responsibility in placing the contents of this book before you. What you do with it is up to you. Indeed, only a very short time remains before it will be evident that I am who I say or that I am not [Yes, it's all about Ronnie - GR]. In the past 1900 years, have you ever read or heard of a publication from any religious leader who has made such claims, laying out such a precise pattern for the near future with such precise timelines? You have not! [Yes we have! - GR] This is the evidence (witness, testimony) of the true God of Abraham!"
And pretty shonky evidence it is.

To his credit he's not selling the thing. You can get a copy for free either in hard copy or via download, and hey, I suggest you do. A perfect demonstration of the blind stupidity of the "prophecy marches on" mentality. Drag it out in 2009 and, once you've checked your kneecaps*, rejoice in the knowledge that the world is still here and that, despite all our human failings, the Super-Fascist Kingdom of Ron has not arrived.

Now THAT'S Good News!


*"Every knee shall bow," which led the Armstrong exegetes to speculate that the returning Christ might need to use his "rod of iron" to smash a few kneecaps in order to achieve the desired outcome.